Thursday, August 15, 2013

Growing Pains


I took you to meet your kindergarten teacher today, and in 3 days I'll drop you off for kindergarten. I met your teacher, and I liked her fine. She seems very sweet and loving, kind, and everything a kindergarten teacher should be. I couldn't put my finger on my emotions at the time, but later as I thought about it I realized I'm a tad jealous.

I'm jealous of this new lady in your life that I'm sure you are going to love. This lady who will get to spend 40 hours a week with you while I will be at home wondering what you're thinking, are you making friends, what are you learning, and the list goes on.

You see,  just yesterday it feels like I brought you home. Just the two of us in a one bedroom apartment, and I was all you needed. We met Daddy and Jaylyn, but still you were the main man in my life. We spent 3 wonderful years with you going to the preschool I worked at. I use to sneak downstairs during my class's music time so I could sneak a peek at you on the playground because I wanted to see what you were doing when I wasn't around.

Chloe came and I was happy she was a girl so you could keep being my only perfect little boy. You started promising to marry me and told me you'd never move away. You told me that when you grow up you'll be a "cookie guy at Publix" so you can still see me all the time. After spending the next two years at your grandmommy's preschool and getting so smart and ready for kindergarten, you are just that...ready.

But I'm not.

I'm not ready to trade in mornings of snuggling in bed and watching cartoons. I don't want to give up picking you up from school at 1:30 and spending 2 hours at the park. I'm going to miss having you at the grocery store and you holding my hand as we cross the parking lot because you want to keep me safe. I'll miss waking up on Wednesday morning and deciding we need to ride the train at the zoo. I'll miss random McWane trips or deciding last minute to go to Airwalk. You have been a challenge sometimes, but it has been the best (almost) 6 years of my life.

But I know you're going to be great.

You are such a leader. You're funny, smart, full of energy, and above all, you are the most tender hearted child I've ever been's your best kept secret. You are going to love school and getting to learn new things. You are so excited to get to have science (so funny because that was my worst subject) and I'm so excited for you.

I love you so much buddy. These six years were much too fast, and while I'm so excited for you and what the next 13 years have to hold, I'm mourning a little bit that my best little buddy is leaving me for kindergarten. I'm already excited though to pick you up from school and hear all about it. And while you are gone I think I might spend the whole day just looking at your little sister because if there's one thing you've taught me is she's going to be a kindergartener much quicker than I can imagine. 

You and your sisters are my little piece of perfection in an imperfect world and I love you so much more then your almost 6-year-old self can understand.