The Mouth of a Two-Year-Old

My sweet baby only 6-weeks-old (October 2007)

For all 8 of my "followers" (who are mostly family) I thought you would like to hear some of the funny things Cooper is saying.

- "I no do that." What he says to get out of anything he doesn't want to do.

- "I just want to behave!" What he says to try and get out of a spanking or time out.

- "My doggie is E-O." His name for Oreo.

- "I want to give doggie a walk." Almost everyday he walks Oreo a mile.

- "Granddaddy aggravates me." I think Grandmommy taught him that one!

- "I want to go to Grandmommy's house and play with Granddaddy." Because in Cooper's mind women own the house men live in. He also tells me he want to go to Mommy's house and see Daddy.

- "I'm not funny!" Oh yes you are Cooper.

- "Wov you too Mommy." Cooper's version on love...and I love it:-)

- "Mommy I hold you." Code for pick me up Mommy, I'm tired!

- "Can I snuggle you a second?" Everything use to be '5 more minutes'; now he wants everything for a second. Unfortunately snuggle sessions only last a few seconds.

- "I want 5 minutes!" He says this to delay naps, bed time, dinner, etc. Taught to him by Jaylyn.

- "I want a sucker-it." Cooper adds the "T" sound to a lot of his words
- "We go to the cookie store and I be good." The cookie store is code for Publix...where they know my child by name and have his cookie ready before we can even walk over there.

- "The floor hit me. It's in time out." The table, wall, chair, and bed also hit him a lot and have to go to time out.

- "It's scary...I think there's a monstert." Again with the 'T' sound at the end of a word. Apparently monsters live in his room at night (they also live in my closet sometimes).

My now 2 and 1/2-year-old (Feb. 2010)

Lists, Lists, and More Lists!

7 days until JB-Day. What does "JB" stand for? Jaw breaking day. Everyone get their drinks ready it's going to be a party...oh wait, not so much.

So I officially have 7 days until I begin my 6-8 week mending period and you would think I would be enjoying all the things I will miss during that time like snuggling with Cooper, running, spending time with my family, eating solid foods...yet instead I am crying like a baby every night because I'm scared out of my mind, I'm being short with John because my nerves are so shot, I'm eating cookies (my comfort food), and making lists. LOTS of lists.

Today I made a list about the trash days (like John doesn't already know). This turned into a list about watering flowers, washing clothes (detailed to the point of how much detergent to use), and how to run the dishwasher. As if that wasn't enough I found myself making detailed list on dust moping and sharking (steam cleaning) my hardwood floors, how to clean bathrooms, where the various 100 cleaners I use are located, how to clean out the refrigerator (I'm not kidding), what cleaner to use in the kitchen (trust me John already knows), and how to iron. As if that wasn't enough I went back to the list to give detailed instructions on how to press the button every day on our automatic shower cleaner. Seriously.

It's official-I'm losing it (or might have already lost it!).

So of course this is exactly what every man wants to be greeted with when they come home from the office. A crazy wife who can't stop eating cookies handing him a mile long list. Of course he didn't read it (because he knows how to do it!), but I felt better knowing the list was made. SO I sat down and made another list...this list is a list of all the things I need to make list about before my surgery.

Anyone want to wife swap now??? Ha!

On top of all that I just realized the Biggest Loser finale is the same day as my surgery...I have a feeling I'm going to miss that one. I think I better go make a list about who I think will win!

$10,000

Jaylyn and I were watching Biggest Loser Tuesday when Darius won $10,000. He then had the choice to keep the money or get a one pound advantage on the weigh-in. As Jaylyn and I waited to see what he would do we talked about what we would do with $10,000. Here is what I came up with...of course in my mind I was not thinking about taxes:

-Choice One: Pay off the Malibu and one of John's student loans (responsible)
-Choice Two: Pay off Malibu and then trade it in and apply the rest of the money to a new car (semi-responsible)
-Choice Three: Buy new living room, den, and master bedroom furniture (not so responsible since we already have furniture)
-Choice Four: GO SHOPPING (like John would ever let that happen-ha!)

Then Jaylyn started coming up with her idea. I preface this by saying that Jaylyn has almost no concept of money. If I told her our house payment was $100 she would believe it and think that $100 is a lot to pay a month. She very rarely has to use her own money to buy anything, and has yet to really learn about managing money. On the flip side she very rarely asks us to buy anything for her.

So what did she come up with (I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seats...)?

She told me if she had $10,000 she would buy 7 dogs and chocolate chips. I loved it. What a great innocent answer. Not Justin Bieber tickets, not a Hannah Montana looking wardrobe, not a big screen TV, and not anything that made me cringe. Just 7 dogs and chocolate chips...and never did she give a thought to whose house would host these seven dogs! Thank God Jaylyn is still so innocent:-).

Since Tuesday I have changed my mind about what I would do with $10,000 if I won it on Biggest Loser (although I think my chances of making it on Biggest Loser are small). I would landscape my backyard and paint my shutters and get a new front door. I am always making big plans for this house:-).

19 days...but who's counting?

19 more days until I get both my upper and lower jaw bone broken and reset. Sound fun anyone? I am absolutely terrified.

For awhile I would YouTube video search people who had documented their similar surgery. Big mistake. I had nightmares until finally John forbid me from watching anymore videos (and we all know I do everything he says-ha!). Now I find myself thinking about the surgery all the time. Trying to tell myself it will be fine, I'll recover quicker then anyone else ever has...and then I remember the all liquid diet I will be on for 6-8 weeks. The same diet that most people lose 15-20 pounds on (heavier people 30-50) and then I almost fall apart again...mainly because I am terrified of how my body will react if I lose 15-20 pounds...putting me anywhere between 85-90 pounds at 5'4. Gross.

And then there is my precious two-year-old who won't understand why Mommy can't hold him-if he touches my face or hits my jaw it could mess everything up and well, hurt! Cooper and I do everything together and for a little while Cooper will be doing everything with John, my mom, and my dad. Not exactly how I like to parent.

So everyone pray on May 25th I make it okay (because of course I am also terrified of being put to sleep and not waking up). And if anyone wants to come make me milk shakes or smoothies (that have to fed through a syringe because I can't suck a straw) I'm sure John will be willing to turn me over to your care...because what my husband doesn't know yet is I'm a horrible patient. There is a reason my mom volunteered to watch Cooper and not me:-).