Monday, July 26, 2010

To Err is Human...

Lately I've been feeling almost like I'm in a state of mourning for the people I've lost. Not really to death (I mourn those people in a different way), but for the people I've lost touch with. All for different reasons...moving, my immaturity at sustaining relationships, depression during and after pregnancy (sometimes I just wanted to be left alone), and bad decisions made on my part.

I have learned that throughout the years no matter how remorseful you might be there are some relationships not meant to be fixed. There are people that did you wrong or that you did wrong in a way that can't be made right. There are people who you are not sure how to apologize to and so you continue missing them. There are many childhood friends that you lose touch with (however thanks to facebook it is getting easier to reconnect). And there are people out there (family included) who you might miss terribly, but they refuse to let you back in...and you might not ever understand why.

To try to get myself out of this "funk" I've been feeling I try to stay positive and remain thankful for those who've stood by me. I have a best friend (and her family) that I have had my whole life. I have a CRAZY college friend who although she lives far away, I still stay in touch with regularly. I have some old track buddies I talk to (both from high school and college) and (once again thanks to facebook) I am able to communicate with almost everyone I graduated high school with (quite the accomplishment when you went to as big of a school as I did).

I've also been trying to forgive. Forgive myself for any wrong doing I did people to make them think negatively of me. Forgive others for any wrong doing they might have done me. But mainly to forgive myself for bad decisions made in the past and promise myself to make wiser ones in the future. I try to make sure I am a good friend to everyone I meet, and I make sure to keep all commitments I make.

Because in the end what good are words without actions to back them up?

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
-Paul Boese

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